Tuesday, June 26, 2012

UNSEQUELIZED Video Episode 1 - Speed Racer, Friday the 13th 2009

For this very first video version of my ongoing feature I'll be talking about two fairly recent films: the Wachowski's "Speed Racer" and the 2009 Platinum Dunes update of "Friday the 13th".

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That joke's not funny any more - Rodriguez casts Charlie Sheen in "Machete Kills"


I've written at length about how disappointing "Machete" was. It's all the more disappointing because I still defend Rodriguez. Guy has skills. But "Machete" made for a pretty lame film and a lame hero to boot. Now, Rodriguez is casting the sequel "Machete Kills" (I like the title) and he's announced that Charlie Sheen will play the President of the U.S.A. Sigh. I understand that "Machete" was frontloaded with stunt casting. But I thought most of it worked. But not Lohan. And Sheen is in that wheelhouse. It's too arch and doesn't feel genuine. I posted the video above to remind us that Rodriguez is capable of making something where he doesn't have his tongue planted firmly in his cheek the whole time. Or maybe the joke is on me. Cue Bee Gees...

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James Cameron is going to take us back to Pandora at least three more times!


At this point, three films, times the length of the average James Cameron film, is more than enough time for Cameron to explore the whole of Pandora. Shit, that's some Ken Burns-level immersion. In fact, the one thing I'd love to see is Cameron eventually evolve this film series into a hybrid of his commercial work and his doc work. Seriously. That would be the best thing. His narrative features are technically amazing, but laughably scripted. He's best at building worlds in the narrative. And he can create harrowing explorations in his docs. The end result is is clear; he needs to get lost... in Pandora.

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There's good and bad news about the new Child's Play sequel...



I'm a "bad news first" kinda guy, so I'm bringing on the bad news first: "Curse of Chucky", the latest film in the franchise, will go direct to DVD.

The good news (and thank the maker there's good news, because I needed some) is that original creator Don Mancini and star Brad Dourif are onboard for this brand new sequel, that is going to eschew the self-aware, jokey tone of "Bride of chucky" and "Seed of Chucky". That last part is actually great news. It'll be nice to get back to a straight scare-based Chucky. Maybe it's because I was really young when the first two films came out, but I love those movies as horror movies and not horror comedies. I can actually remember going to see Child's Play part one in the theater, only 9 years old, and not knowing what to expect. All I and my guardian at the time knew was that it was a scary movie. Look at that poster up there; does that thing scream killer doll? Any way, the first and second films still work for me and I'm looking forward to the latest adventures of the killer formerly known as Charles Lee Ray.

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Monday, June 25, 2012

This also isn't "I Heart Reboots" - DREDD Trailer Underwhelms

It may not be a popular opinion, but I have a soft spot for Stallone's "Judge Dredd". True, it pretty much picks clean its source material to make what is ostensibly just another Stallone shoot 'em up. But it's a damn fun shoot 'em up. And Danny Cannon had some style back then. It's a bold, brash piece of big budget filmmaking.

This new film doesn't seem like its gonna be a lot of fun. Urban doesn't have a very good vocal presence and Thirlby still seems like a bad casting choice. Plus, coming so soon after "The Raid", this film seems so small-minded in its scope. Super dour in its tone, it seems like it swings too far to the other side of the fence; it may take its source material too seriously.

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Taken... AGAIN!

3 things you need to know about me:

1) I think Famke Janssen deserves better than this.

2) I can never take Rade Serbedzija seriously as a villain after "Snatch".

3) After "Transporter 3" and "Colombiana", Megaton is the last director I want to see direct this movie.

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"Jurassic Park 4" Now to Be Written by "Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes" scribes

terrible thunder


I didn't see "Rise of the Planet of the Apes". Yeah, I'm that guy. I did just find a copy at my local library, so it's sitting on top of my entertainment center, ready to be watched. I did see "Jurassic Park 3". Oy. However, I love that John Sayles has an unfilmed Jurassic Park 4 script featuring dinos toting guns. It sounds like a beautifully awful joke just waiting to be told, kinda like the unfilmed "Jaws 3, People 0". However, now that Sayles is out, Joe Johnston has tapped Amanda Silver and Rick Jaffa, the writing duo behind ROTPOTA to get it done. Funny thing is, after seeing the ROTPOTA trailers, I really want to see this duo finish what Sayles started.

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Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Cracked says Terminator 2: Great Movie, Terrible Sequel

Yes. This, a thousand times this.

I have always said that T2 is a great film, but a super dumb sequel. The main thing (and we will cover this in greater detail in the "future"*) is that it creates a slippery slope that leads to the narrative assumption that a Terminator could be thrown at John Connor or John Connor's antecedents at any time, as opposed to the one-shot deal in the first Terminator. Hence, you have T3, that Terminator TV show, and any other ancillary titles that may come up because they need to figure out another way to make one of these damn cash-ins work, without having to completely ignore John Connor. Even the first fucking Terminator movie to focus on the aftermath of Judgment Day focuses on Connor. Fuck!

*see what I did there?

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No Jim Carrey? No Dumb and Dumber 2!


Now that Carrey is out of the 15 years too late sequel to one of his biggest hits, it seems like there is no reason to continue on. We've all seen what a Jim Carrey-less "Dumb and Dumber" film would look like. It looks like a shitty prequel starring two nobodies. There's a sobering reminder embedded below. It's funny seeing the kid who played a young Jeff Daniels get carved up in "Hostel". No, it may not seem like it, but it really is funny. Oh well, at least I still maintain that Cheri Oteri is some kinda hot.

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I guess I'm supposed to have an opinion on a new Twilight trailer...

This may not come as a surprise, but I've never seen a Twilight movie. Not a one.

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This Ain't I Heart Prequels Pixar Edition - Monsters University

How is this getting a theatrical release?

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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Wanted 2? Um, no thanks?


This early in development Wanted 2 sounds less than appetizing. Sure, Timur Bekmabetov only hints that the latest idea he has for the film is getting people worked up about the possibility of a sequel. But without any concrete indication of what that sequel has to offer, and only a) the quality of the previous film, b) the tenor or Bekmabetov's work to date and c) Millar's own work in comics of late to go on, I'm gonna say I'd be more than willing to sit this one out.

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They've got the steak, now they need to sell the sizzle. The new action-heavy "Dark Knight Rises" trailer is up now!

Again, lot of the same beats we've seen, with a smattering of additional developments. More of the jokes and witty repartee (at least as witty as a Nolan Batman can be) on display in this one as well. It's a highlight reel that features less of Anne Hathaway, the film's least-interesting highlight. Oh well. At least she looks like she's gonna be good in "Les Miserables".
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Thursday, June 14, 2012

Should I even attempt to play catch-up with Resident Evil? This new trailer makes me want to see what I've been missing...

I saw the first Resident Evil. Liked it. Never claimed Paul WS Anderson was a masterful director but he can make a good popcorn flick once in a while. Then I saw RE2 and immediately checked out for the rest of the series. I never saw 3, though I wanted to see what Russell Mulcahy would bring to the film. Then I saw the trailer for 4, the first one in 3D. What I saw looked pretty crappy, but I was curious about the 3D process and how it would be used. Now, I see this trailer and I'm kinda intrigued to see what I've been missing. At first I thought they were retconning the whole thing, which it looks like it may do. However, the one thing that intrigues me about the trailer (and now the rest of the series that I've missed) is how wildly different it looks from the other films. Is this what the series' progress has been like? Like a low-rent Alien Legacy, in that each one has its own weird skewed take on its world? Could be the Fast Five of this series? I may have to see this to find out...
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I'm gonna let the guys at Red Letter Media do my follow-up work for me......

This video from the guys at Red Letter Media asks every single question that was running through my head while watching Prometheus. From the big picture stuff like why the star maps led to the military installation planet to stupid little things like why were Shaw and Vickers running in a straight line away from the crashing alien ship. Beauty, eh?
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Tuesday, June 12, 2012


All right, finally we have our first video review online and it's for a doozy of a highly anticipated fanboy fave! Ladies and gentlemen, our premier review of "Prometheus"...
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