Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Whatever It's Called There's a Good Chance the Alien Prequel Will Suck,48825/

Looking at the details in that article it's easy to read a lot conjecture, misinformation and all around subterfuge regarding the so-called plot of the Alien prequel. Even the name "Paradise" sounds more like the location name given to the project to use as obfuscation / production company detritus, and less like a real title. That aside, who the fuck wants this really? Those that do are gonna be seriously disappointed, mostly because they're kidding themsleves. Deep down inside they know nothing is gonna be as good as the orignal, but they're holding out hope because they are Ridley Scott fanboys.

Let me tell you something; Ridley Scott only delivers the goods about 70% of the time, just like an other director who has worked as long as he has. Plus, he can't get his head around all the other shit he's trying to stack as high as he can before he shuffles off the mortal coil, not the least of which is his vein attempt to win an Oscar. There's no guarantee that this will be anything more than by-the-book, boring-ass Ridley.

As for the prequel idea, I have to point to the great Patton Oswalt's bit about the Star Wars prequels as proof that this is gonna be disappointing at best, soul-crushingly awful at worst. Do we really need to know what happened before the first film? Short answer: no. Again, this feels like fanfic wish fulfillment, much like a lot of other crap that the geek contingency has gotten behind with regards to this series. Maybe it's just me, but I don't really give a shit about the Aliens universe outside of Ripley. It's usually tedious, unimaginative dreck that relies a lot more on gee-whiz gimmicks and wouldn't-it-be-cool spitballing that is better suited to 12 year olds on the playground. In short, the kind of stuff fanboys and film geeks profess to be against, but that in the end gives them the cinematic hard-ons that lead to the masturbatory affairs they wish they could take back, leaving them feeling empty and guilty once they've left the theater.

The Alien prequel is gonna engender spent loads and bad attitudes of epic proportions. I can't wait.


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